Crawling
by Bobo
Summary: Rand has thoughts of sadin, before leaving the camp for Tear (beginning of book 3) Actually, it's a song-fic, with Crawling by Linkin Park. Enjoy!


Crawling  
Linkin Park  
  
  
A/N: Okay, I just HAD to write this, before I forgot to write it, or before I killed myself for wanting to finish the books first to see where it fit in the most. So, I just winged it. ^^ It takes place in the beginning of The Dragon Reborn, where Rand decides to go to Tear solo.. Oohhhh.... Anywho, this is my first attempt at writing the Wheel of Time fanfiction, so, I don't know how smoothly it will go over. But, it's worth a try, ne?  
  
  
~ Bobo ~  
  
  
Crawling  
  
  
  
Outside his small hut in the camp, Rand Al'Thor peered through the trees, and into the starry night above him. Despite the fact that spring was well on it's way, he could see each breath, exhaling in a puff of frozen water particles.  
  
The shimmering stars he looked at, drew into little figurines in his mind. So many stars, so tiny, yet so large in their own way.  
  
Slowly standing up, Rand brushed off the crisp, dry leaves that had clung to his cloak. While brushing, Rand regarded the embroidery on it, over his heart. A small green serpent with four feet. It was the symbol of the Dragon. Or, in his case, the Dragon Reborn. He needed to take off the cloak before he left, so he could attract less then he already would.  
  
Absently, he shook the thought out of his mind. He needn't be reminded of who he was, or who he — and many other people — thought he was. Was he really the Dragon Reborn, or just a false, being played by the Aes Sedai witches like a marionette with many, many strings. So many strings, it was easy to get a tangle, or a knot. And even so, being as he was such a strong ta'varen.  
  
After all, that was the main reason Loial first came with him, wasn't it? To see a ta'veren at work, which is just living with walking, talking, breathing, and thinking people around them.  
  
A toy. No, an expensive toy that must be played with with care. A to to look at. Nothing more. People seemed to forget there was a person inside that head. Not just sadin, but a human too.  
  
Rand walked down the little path he had made himself, that led from his lonely hut to the rest of the camp. At this point in the morning, all but the guards were sleeping, regaining energy from the earlier trolloc attack. Rand still felt very guilty for doing absolutely nothing. Other than setting some trees on fire.  
  
That was what really disturbed him. What drove him confused, and angry. The One Power, sadin, which pulsed so strongly at the moment of heat in the battle. He channeled that power, being one of only three or four men in the world that could channel, and let it overrun him. It pulsed through his body, and it had to be spent. His first thought was to turn that pitiful mountain they were all on upside down, and kill it all. The battle, the fighting, and the dying.   
  
But he could not do that. He had the power, but he would kill more than just the trollocs. He would've let it flow back into the Source, but it was too precious to let it all go back.   
  
Panicking in the moment he had it under control, the void that held sadin flickered. Needing to do something, Rand turned and channeled the Power onto a tree.  
  
Fire. Burn.  
  
The tree burst in spontaneous combustion.  
  
Looking around, trollocks and Shinearians fell alike, however trolloc more often than human.  
  
Rage burned at Rand for what he had done, or not done. Trying again, another tree burst into flames, casting light on the tiny battle field. He could clearly make out corpses, and weapons, among other objects, scattered.  
  
Letting go of sadin, Rand slumped against the nearest tree not burning, and fell to the ground. He didn't notice the outer world. The trollocs were gone, and there were also wolves' corpses scattered among the rest.   
  
The flash back of the short lived battle replayed itself in Rand's mind all too fresh. All it did was remind him of his incompetence during the battle.  
  
And it brought the thought of sadin. Always there, in him. The flickering light inside his void every time it was formed.  
  
~  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds,  
They will not heal  
Fear is how I fall,  
Confusing what is real  
~  
  
There was nothing Rand could do to change what had happened back there. Even though Rand didn't kill anything – other than a few trees – with the Power, he still felt the taint of sadin in him. He felt dirty, greasy, all through his body, and in his mind. The taint that Ba'alzamon had done, cursing the male half of the One Power when he was sealed beyond the Blight.  
  
And still, the flame pulled for Rand to touch it. To reach out and feel it's embrace of power. Rand almost did, and caught himself wanting to use it.  
  
No. I refuse to use it. I refuse to be played.   
  
Still, sadin remained, ever constantly flickering, and pulsing inside his mind, underneath his skin. It was there.  
  
~  
  
There's something inside me that crawls beneath the surface  
Consuming  
Confusing  
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending  
Controlling  
I can't seem  
To find myself again,   
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence  
I'm convinced there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before,  
So insecure  
  
~  
  
If he had a choice, Rand was not sure if he wanted to be Gentled or not. Toe be cut from sadin for life. Men who had been Gentled often still went insane from the taint, and they wanted to die, because they could feel sadin, but they couldn't channel it.  
  
However, in Rand's case, he had no choice. He had to fight the last battle, and determine the fait of the world. As Lan had put it: "Death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain."  
  
Looking down, Rand examined his hands. Both were marked with the scar of a burn. Both were herons. Rand remembered the prophecies he'd read:  
"Twice and twice shall he be marked  
Twice to live, and twice to die  
Once the heron, to set his path  
Twice the heron to name him true  
Once the Dragon, for remembrance lost  
Twice the Dragon, for the price he must pay."  
  
~  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds,   
They will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
  
~  
  
A growl sounded softly from deep in Rand's throat. How he wished he could just turn the mountain they were camped on upside down. The same idea as before. Not that he couldn't, it was just that people were still on the mountain, including him. Just hours earlier, he had caused the ground to rumble, shake, and crack open. But then he gave up supper, to avoid the knowing stares and glances of awe, amazement, and even fear in the men's eyes.  
  
But now that he was leaving, it would just be him. If an earthquake occurred in the town he was staying at, it would just be an odd incident. Very odd.  
  
And soon, however long it might be, it would just be him and Ba'alzamon. The Lord of the Dark. The Father of Lies. Soulsbane. Shepard of the Night. However he was named, he was feared by everyone across the world, other than those who gave their souls to him, to serve him. And it was up to Rand to re-seal him in Shayol Guhl.  
  
The duty of the Dragon Reborn rested on his shoulders.  
  
Not only that, but he needed sadin to do it.  
  
~  
  
Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
Distracting  
Reacting  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
It's haunting  
How I can't seem  
To find myself again  
My walls are closing in  
(Without a sense of confidence  
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
I've felt this way before,  
So insecure  
  
~  
  
Rand knew that no matter what happened, no matter how many lives he'd change, he would still be the one to fight Ba'alzamon.  
  
And yet, the flicker, and taint, of sadin remained in his mind. It would always be there.   
  
Making it worse, was how he felt while channeling. It felt amazing. Wonderful. Worth-living. There was no better feeling than having sadin pulse through his body, ready for his command. It felt good, however tainted it was.  
  
His savior, his murderer. His heaven, his hell. His light, his dark. Sadin was there.  
  
~  
  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds  
They will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing what is real  
  
~  
  
Gathering himself, Rand said a silent goodbye to his three friends staying in the camp. Perrin, Loial, and Min. And some for Lan as well, for helping him learn how to wield his sword.  
  
But there was no more than a thought, a glare, and clenched teeth for Moraine Sedi. That was all Rand would do for her.  
  
He returned to his hut, and replaced his cloak with another, free of the dragon. Rand left the note he'd written on his cot. Gathering his saddle bags and blanket rolls, he looked around incase there was a single tiny clue as to where he was going.  
  
Finding nothing, he left.  
  
Quickly and quietly, he packed his food, and put the saddle in his horse, and silently disappeared into the dark night of the forest.  
  
Of to Tear he was, to fulfill another of the Dragon's prophecies, to get, and wield, the Callandor. Alone. Just him and sadin.  
  
~  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
Consuming  
This lack of self control I fear is never ending  
Controlling  
Crawling in my skin  
These wounds   
They will not heal  
Fear is how I fall  
Confusing  
Confusing what is real  
  
~ 


End file.
